St John'S College (Johannesburg)

Bra, R232,974 a year for Grade 12. That is not school fees, that is a bond. Your parents are literally taking out a second mortgage so you can wear a blazer in Houghton and learn to say "actually" with more confidence. And there are 747 boys being managed by 34 teachers, which means each teacher is responsible for 22 teenage boys at once. That is not a classroom, that is a hostage situation. Load shedding hits and suddenly 22 unsupervised Anglican boys are running loose on the campus. The Lord cannot help you there. Speaking of Anglican, the school was founded in 1898, which means the guilt trip they give you has been professionally refined for over 125 years. They have had more than a century to perfect the face the chaplain makes when you show up late to chapel. And they call themselves "world-class" in their own description. Bra, you wrote that about yourself. That is like putting "humble" on your own CV. The audacity is very on-brand for Houghton, where the sprinklers run during a water crisis and nobody even blinks. And listen to this, they take boys AND girls in the Nursery School and Sixth Form, but the middle bit is boys only. So you arrive as a mixed child, disappear into twelve years of pure testosterone, and re-emerge into Sixth Form blinking at girls like you have seen a rare bird. The boarding school element explains a lot actually. Overall verdict: St John's will give your son an education so expensive it hurts, but he will absolutely run the meeting one day.